When Good Guests Go Bad Part 5: The Can't Be Wrong

Welcome to the second-last article in our six-part series on "When Good Guests Go Bad." Unfortunately, at every gathering there always seems to be one person who has an opinion on everything, and even when they're wrong they're right! These are the kind of guests who bring up topics just to argue them, and if there is nothing to argue they will conjur something out of thin air. Not only do they create uncomfortable situations at every turn, they also tend to offend people, or at the very least make your other guests feel uncomfortable.

A prime example of The Can't Be Wrong scenario comes from a good friend of mine, who entertains with her family often. Her brother's wife and her husband are both very opinionated people. The like rival sports teams, have completely opposite political views on everything from mayoral elections to environmental issues - the sister-in-law has even expressed a hatred toward the family's small home town. Tricky!

The sad truth is that not everyone has the common ability to sense when a topic of conversation is about to tread on dangerous ground, or when they are discussing something with more meaning than mere conversation to the other person in the conversation. This does not mean the "Can't Be Wrong" is a bad person - in fact, it's probably the opposite - they are usually very caring and nice, except when their conversations stumble onto certain topics. The most common topics for The Can't Be Wrong to bring up, and relentlessly continue are:

-Politics
-Religion
-Sports
-Travel
-Business/Investing

And you can bet that their position will not waiver when faced with a different opinion. With these topics off-limits, how can one possibly have a conversation with The Can't Be Wrong? The truth is, after a time, most stop trying, but that usually does not stop The Can't Be Wrong. Sadly, our more laid-back guests will usually not step up and tell the Can't Be Wrong how wrong they are - they will usually find an excuse to leave, or decline the next invitation offered. How can we Hosts On The Run deal with someone like The Can't-Be-Wrong?

1. Don't Invite Them
Of course, this is the most ideal answer in the first place. But what if the Can't Be Wrong is the spouse of a close friend or loved one, or your own family?

2. Keep an ear peeled and change the subject frequently
Usually, the Can't Be Wrong will begin to show his true colors when in a one-on-one conversation. Keep an eye on the Can't Be Wrong, and after about 3 minutes of conversation with one of your guests, go join them. Offer drinks, or sit down and change the subject before it gets heated and feelings get hurt.

3. Assign your crisis companion to "babysit"
Oh, it's sad but true, sometimes you must have someone follow the Can't Be Wrong around just to make sure that the conversations don't trip into dangerous territory.

4. Discuss the issue with a mutual third party
Employing a mutual family member or friend to "drop a hint" to the Can't Be Wrong to cool it when things get steamy, or even after your party all together is another way to deal with this difficult issue. Chances are you already know who could speak to the Can't Be Wrong without it COMING OUT all wrong.

5. Speak to the Can't Be Wrong yourself
Before the party, call the Can't Be Wrong and explain to them that you understand their strong views and opinions are part of their personality, but you would prefer if, for the span of your get-together, they avoid the topics that seem to get blood boiling. This could end one of two ways. First, the Can't Be Wrong will take your wishes to heart and be a positively delightful guest. OR, they could get totally offended and decide not to come all together. Either way, you have done everything you can.

6. If none of these work and you're still obligated to have The Can't Be Wrong at your gathering, give your other guests a heads-up about the Can't Be Wrong so they won't take it personally when the Can't Be Wrong insults their mother.

The Can't Be Wrong is seriously tricky, but if you have to deal with them, good luck! There's only one Guest Gone Wrong left to explore - The Destructo-Guest, and we'll look at this hurricane of a personality in the next issue of Host On The Run!

Leigh Clements, the Shot In The Dark Mysteries / Your Date With Death Mystery Maiden, writes murder mysteries, non-murder mysteries and custom mysteries for Shot In The Dark Mysteries, and coordinates, hosts and facilitates local events both for Shot In The Dark Mysteries and Your Date With Death Murder Mystery Speed Dating. She can be contacted at mysterymaiden@shotinthedarkmysteries.com or mysterymaiden@yourdatewithdeath.com. Aside from plotting murder, she enjoys yoga, reading and hanging with her golden lab.

When Good Guests Go Bad Part 4: The Never-Ending Guest

Sometimes, Hosts On The Run can do too good a job of entertaining - so good, in fact, that some people don't ever want to leave! In this issue, number 4 in our 6-part series entitled, "When Good Guests Go Bad", we discuss the "Never-Ending Guest", also known as the guest who just doesn't know when to leave.Whenever I think of The Never-Ending Guest, I'm reminded of the Seinfeld episode when George leaves Elaine and Jerry stranded at a house in Long Island. They had to wait there until Kramer, who got lost, arrived to take them home. How awkward it was, as they sat in the living room, the host and hostess cleaning up in the kitchen, suggesting it was time for them to call a taxi.

Okay, Jerry and Elaine were reluctant to still be there, but when our guests don't know when to leave it can be just as awkward. The truth is, not everyone has a sense of when to leave. Although most of us can feel when the party is winding down and it's time to leave, some others just don't get it. There are specific signals you can give when it's time for your guests to leave. Things such as not re-starting the music, beginning post-party clean up, and discussing the time are all great little hints Hosts On The Run can use to indicate that it's time to leave. Some people just don't get it, though, and these people require much stronger hints, like being told right out that it's time to leave.

Signal 1: Bring the jackets into an area where they are easily accessible to your guest.

Signal 2: Offer to call them a taxi or ask if you can start their vehicle on a cold night. Usually you won't have to go this far, as seeing others start to leave will tell the others they should follow suit.

Signal 3: Put them to work. Go ahead and ask them to help you clean up in the kitchen! One of two things will happen - either they will oblige, in which case you have an extra hand cleaning up, or they will push your pets out of the way to get to the door and dodge the dirty dishes.

But what if the guest has their car running, their jacket out and your kitchen is spotless? Well, this will be a very rare situation, but simply saying, "Well, I'm exhausted, I'm heading to bed" should do the trick. You're still composed and graceful, and no one can ever accuse you of being a rude host. If you wake up and that person is on your couch, however, you may want to consider not inviting him to your next get-together.Our six-part series is coming to a close, but we've still got two great "Guests Gone Bad" in store for you, including "The Can't-Be-Wrong" and "The Destructo-Guest", which we will explore in our next issues! Stay tuned!

Leigh Clements, the Shot In The Dark Mysteries / Your Date With Death Mystery Maiden, writes murder mysteries, non-murder mysteries and custom mysteries for Shot In The Dark Mysteries, and coordinates, hosts and facilitates local events both for Shot In The Dark Mysteries and Your Date With Death Murder Mystery Speed Dating. She can be contacted at mysterymaiden@shotinthedarkmysteries.com or mysterymaiden@yourdatewithdeath.com. Aside from plotting murder, she enjoys yoga, reading and hanging with her golden lab

When Good Guests Go Bad Part 3: The Lush!

When Good Guests Go Bad Part 3: The Lush!

As hosts, we want people to drink and be merry. But when Mary drinks too much, the party can take a turn for the worse. In this article, the third in our 6-part series entitled, "When Good Guests Go Bad", we look at how to properly deal with "The Lush". Just like our previous two Good Guests Gone Bad articles (The No-Show and the Surprise-Show), a drunken guest situation can begin one of two ways. Either Mary gets drunk and ends up with a lampshade on her head at most parties, or Mary rarely drinks too much, and her drunken stupor is a complete one-off. Either way, the situation must be handled with grace and composure.

First and foremost, make sure that alcohol is not easily accessible by guests. The kitchen is a good place to keep drink ingredients, as the kitchen is a "taboo" area by default. With the alcohol in the kitchen, you can keep an eye on who is drinking what. If you're too busy, as most of us Hosts On The Run are, select a responsible bartender from your guests or, depending on your budget, hire a professional bartender to keep a drink in your guests' hands without letting them get smashed.

Even the most organized, awesome Hosts On The Run can miss the start of a sousing. If this happens, try to nip the problem in the bud before it gets out of hand. Offer Mary some coffee and some bread or crackers to ward off drunkness, and slow down the frequency of her drink refills. Get side-tracked en route to the bar, and when you finally make it there, opt for more mixer, less booze. If you realize too late that Mary has hit the sauce, there are a few things you can still do to difuse the situation. Again, offer coffee and food to help her sober up, but make sure you offer the coffee and snacks to everyone, so it does not appear that you are singling her out. If Mary has come with friends or a spouse, get in league with them to help you keep Mary from embarassing herself. Mary could be a fun drunk or a surly drunk - unless you've seen her in this situation before, it can be hard to tell. It's best to keep the atmosphere fun and avoid controversial discussions, just in case.

Most importantly, make sure Mary does NOT drive home. Have her spouse or friends drive instead, call her a cab or employ a service like Keys Please, who will drive you in your car home from the party, avoiding the awkward "I need my car tomorrow" situation. If all else fails, let Mary spend the night. It's better she, and everyone else who may cross her path, live through the night while she crashes on your couch.In our next issue we'll discuss another "Guest Gone Bad", and that's The Never-Ending Guest!

Leigh Clements, the Shot In The Dark Mysteries / Your Date With Death Mystery Maiden, writes murder mysteries, non-murder mysteries and custom mysteries for Shot In The Dark Mysteries, and coordinates, hosts and facilitates local events both for Shot In The Dark Mysteries and Your Date With Death Murder Mystery Speed Dating. She can be contacted at mysterymaiden@shotinthedarkmysteries.com or mysterymaiden@yourdatewithdeath.com. Aside from plotting murder, she enjoys yoga, reading and hanging with her golden lab.

When Good Guests Go Bad Part 2: The Surprise-Show

In this world there are hosts and then everyone else. Hosts make a boring weekend exciting and put the "special" in "Special Occasion". It's not an easy job, and it doesn't get any easier when guests aren't courteous. In part 2 of our 6-part series entitled, "When Good Guests Go Bad", we explore "The Surprise-Show", also known as "The Unexpected Guest", and how to deal with this person while keeping your cool.

The "Surprise-Show" or "Unexpected Guest" happens when a guest you invited did not RSVP but shows up anyhow. It can also occur when someone who wasn't invited at all shows up on the evening of the party with an invited guest (usually without a host gift! The nerve!). Either way, this unexpected arrival must be met with grace and composure - you can beat up your pillow to let your frustration later. The Surprise-Show could sound like this:

Host On The Run: "Hi Shannon, I'm so glad you could make it! And - oh, I see you brought a... friend!"

Shannon: "Yes, this is my cousin, Petrie, in town from Yemen. I hope you don't mind that I brought him!"

Host On The Run: sotto voce "A little head's up would have been nice"

Shannon: "Pardon?"

Host On The Run: "Nothing! Hello Petrie, so nice to meet you! Can I take your coat? I'll just... er... go make some changes in the kitchen!"

Meet the "Surprise-Show" with a drink at the door, and welcome them, just as you would an invited guest, or one who RSVP'd. Introduce the guest to the others at the party and once everyone is chatting comfortably you can perform damage control.

As a born-klutz, there is always a chance that one of my chicken breasts will end up on my kitchen floor, which is why I always recommend having too much food at a party, especially when dinner is involved. But let's say you only have enough prime rib for the guests who RSVP - then what? Portion the food differently to accommodate the new person. That could include cutting all steaks in half, or serving your risotto with a smaller spoon to make it appear as though your guests are receiving more than they are.

Another way to make sure your guests don't go hungry because of a surprise show is to serve salad with the meal, and make sure their bowls are always full. Most people will alternate between the main course and the side-salad. The full-bowl will distract attention from the smaller portion on their plate while ensuring they are satisfied when their main course is devoured.

In the case of a murder mystery game, a surprise guest could be dealt with in a few ways. First, instead of using your mp3 files, have the extra guest narrate the game with the transcription in your Game Materials. If you received bonus characters in your Game Freebies, you can also pull the extra guest into the game that way, although of course they won't have the same involvement as the rest of the characters. Still, you can encourage the extra guest to interrogate, take notes and get into the game like the rest of your guests.

When faced with a Surprise-Show, remember they may also be feeling uncomfortable so make sure you do everything you can to ensure they feel at home. A quick word with the Surprise-Show or the guest who brought the Surprise-Show can prevent surprises at your next get-together.

In part 3 in our 6-part series entitled, "When Good Guests Go Bad", we discuss how to deal with "The Lush"! Stay tuned - it should be fun!

Leigh Clements, the Shot In The Dark Mysteries / Your Date With Death Mystery Maiden, writes murder mysteries, non-murder mysteries and custom mysteries for Shot In The Dark Mysteries, and coordinates, hosts and facilitates local events both for Shot In The Dark Mysteries and Your Date With Death Murder Mystery Speed Dating. She can be contacted at mysterymaiden@shotinthedarkmysteries.com or mysterymaiden@yourdatewithdeath.com. Aside from plotting murder, she enjoys yoga, reading and hanging with her golden lab.