When Good Guests Go Bad Part 4: The Never-Ending Guest

Sometimes, Hosts On The Run can do too good a job of entertaining - so good, in fact, that some people don't ever want to leave! In this issue, number 4 in our 6-part series entitled, "When Good Guests Go Bad", we discuss the "Never-Ending Guest", also known as the guest who just doesn't know when to leave.Whenever I think of The Never-Ending Guest, I'm reminded of the Seinfeld episode when George leaves Elaine and Jerry stranded at a house in Long Island. They had to wait there until Kramer, who got lost, arrived to take them home. How awkward it was, as they sat in the living room, the host and hostess cleaning up in the kitchen, suggesting it was time for them to call a taxi.

Okay, Jerry and Elaine were reluctant to still be there, but when our guests don't know when to leave it can be just as awkward. The truth is, not everyone has a sense of when to leave. Although most of us can feel when the party is winding down and it's time to leave, some others just don't get it. There are specific signals you can give when it's time for your guests to leave. Things such as not re-starting the music, beginning post-party clean up, and discussing the time are all great little hints Hosts On The Run can use to indicate that it's time to leave. Some people just don't get it, though, and these people require much stronger hints, like being told right out that it's time to leave.

Signal 1: Bring the jackets into an area where they are easily accessible to your guest.

Signal 2: Offer to call them a taxi or ask if you can start their vehicle on a cold night. Usually you won't have to go this far, as seeing others start to leave will tell the others they should follow suit.

Signal 3: Put them to work. Go ahead and ask them to help you clean up in the kitchen! One of two things will happen - either they will oblige, in which case you have an extra hand cleaning up, or they will push your pets out of the way to get to the door and dodge the dirty dishes.

But what if the guest has their car running, their jacket out and your kitchen is spotless? Well, this will be a very rare situation, but simply saying, "Well, I'm exhausted, I'm heading to bed" should do the trick. You're still composed and graceful, and no one can ever accuse you of being a rude host. If you wake up and that person is on your couch, however, you may want to consider not inviting him to your next get-together.Our six-part series is coming to a close, but we've still got two great "Guests Gone Bad" in store for you, including "The Can't-Be-Wrong" and "The Destructo-Guest", which we will explore in our next issues! Stay tuned!

Leigh Clements, the Shot In The Dark Mysteries / Your Date With Death Mystery Maiden, writes murder mysteries, non-murder mysteries and custom mysteries for Shot In The Dark Mysteries, and coordinates, hosts and facilitates local events both for Shot In The Dark Mysteries and Your Date With Death Murder Mystery Speed Dating. She can be contacted at mysterymaiden@shotinthedarkmysteries.com or mysterymaiden@yourdatewithdeath.com. Aside from plotting murder, she enjoys yoga, reading and hanging with her golden lab

When Good Guests Go Bad Part 3: The Lush!

When Good Guests Go Bad Part 3: The Lush!

As hosts, we want people to drink and be merry. But when Mary drinks too much, the party can take a turn for the worse. In this article, the third in our 6-part series entitled, "When Good Guests Go Bad", we look at how to properly deal with "The Lush". Just like our previous two Good Guests Gone Bad articles (The No-Show and the Surprise-Show), a drunken guest situation can begin one of two ways. Either Mary gets drunk and ends up with a lampshade on her head at most parties, or Mary rarely drinks too much, and her drunken stupor is a complete one-off. Either way, the situation must be handled with grace and composure.

First and foremost, make sure that alcohol is not easily accessible by guests. The kitchen is a good place to keep drink ingredients, as the kitchen is a "taboo" area by default. With the alcohol in the kitchen, you can keep an eye on who is drinking what. If you're too busy, as most of us Hosts On The Run are, select a responsible bartender from your guests or, depending on your budget, hire a professional bartender to keep a drink in your guests' hands without letting them get smashed.

Even the most organized, awesome Hosts On The Run can miss the start of a sousing. If this happens, try to nip the problem in the bud before it gets out of hand. Offer Mary some coffee and some bread or crackers to ward off drunkness, and slow down the frequency of her drink refills. Get side-tracked en route to the bar, and when you finally make it there, opt for more mixer, less booze. If you realize too late that Mary has hit the sauce, there are a few things you can still do to difuse the situation. Again, offer coffee and food to help her sober up, but make sure you offer the coffee and snacks to everyone, so it does not appear that you are singling her out. If Mary has come with friends or a spouse, get in league with them to help you keep Mary from embarassing herself. Mary could be a fun drunk or a surly drunk - unless you've seen her in this situation before, it can be hard to tell. It's best to keep the atmosphere fun and avoid controversial discussions, just in case.

Most importantly, make sure Mary does NOT drive home. Have her spouse or friends drive instead, call her a cab or employ a service like Keys Please, who will drive you in your car home from the party, avoiding the awkward "I need my car tomorrow" situation. If all else fails, let Mary spend the night. It's better she, and everyone else who may cross her path, live through the night while she crashes on your couch.In our next issue we'll discuss another "Guest Gone Bad", and that's The Never-Ending Guest!

Leigh Clements, the Shot In The Dark Mysteries / Your Date With Death Mystery Maiden, writes murder mysteries, non-murder mysteries and custom mysteries for Shot In The Dark Mysteries, and coordinates, hosts and facilitates local events both for Shot In The Dark Mysteries and Your Date With Death Murder Mystery Speed Dating. She can be contacted at mysterymaiden@shotinthedarkmysteries.com or mysterymaiden@yourdatewithdeath.com. Aside from plotting murder, she enjoys yoga, reading and hanging with her golden lab.

When Good Guests Go Bad Part 2: The Surprise-Show

In this world there are hosts and then everyone else. Hosts make a boring weekend exciting and put the "special" in "Special Occasion". It's not an easy job, and it doesn't get any easier when guests aren't courteous. In part 2 of our 6-part series entitled, "When Good Guests Go Bad", we explore "The Surprise-Show", also known as "The Unexpected Guest", and how to deal with this person while keeping your cool.

The "Surprise-Show" or "Unexpected Guest" happens when a guest you invited did not RSVP but shows up anyhow. It can also occur when someone who wasn't invited at all shows up on the evening of the party with an invited guest (usually without a host gift! The nerve!). Either way, this unexpected arrival must be met with grace and composure - you can beat up your pillow to let your frustration later. The Surprise-Show could sound like this:

Host On The Run: "Hi Shannon, I'm so glad you could make it! And - oh, I see you brought a... friend!"

Shannon: "Yes, this is my cousin, Petrie, in town from Yemen. I hope you don't mind that I brought him!"

Host On The Run: sotto voce "A little head's up would have been nice"

Shannon: "Pardon?"

Host On The Run: "Nothing! Hello Petrie, so nice to meet you! Can I take your coat? I'll just... er... go make some changes in the kitchen!"

Meet the "Surprise-Show" with a drink at the door, and welcome them, just as you would an invited guest, or one who RSVP'd. Introduce the guest to the others at the party and once everyone is chatting comfortably you can perform damage control.

As a born-klutz, there is always a chance that one of my chicken breasts will end up on my kitchen floor, which is why I always recommend having too much food at a party, especially when dinner is involved. But let's say you only have enough prime rib for the guests who RSVP - then what? Portion the food differently to accommodate the new person. That could include cutting all steaks in half, or serving your risotto with a smaller spoon to make it appear as though your guests are receiving more than they are.

Another way to make sure your guests don't go hungry because of a surprise show is to serve salad with the meal, and make sure their bowls are always full. Most people will alternate between the main course and the side-salad. The full-bowl will distract attention from the smaller portion on their plate while ensuring they are satisfied when their main course is devoured.

In the case of a murder mystery game, a surprise guest could be dealt with in a few ways. First, instead of using your mp3 files, have the extra guest narrate the game with the transcription in your Game Materials. If you received bonus characters in your Game Freebies, you can also pull the extra guest into the game that way, although of course they won't have the same involvement as the rest of the characters. Still, you can encourage the extra guest to interrogate, take notes and get into the game like the rest of your guests.

When faced with a Surprise-Show, remember they may also be feeling uncomfortable so make sure you do everything you can to ensure they feel at home. A quick word with the Surprise-Show or the guest who brought the Surprise-Show can prevent surprises at your next get-together.

In part 3 in our 6-part series entitled, "When Good Guests Go Bad", we discuss how to deal with "The Lush"! Stay tuned - it should be fun!

Leigh Clements, the Shot In The Dark Mysteries / Your Date With Death Mystery Maiden, writes murder mysteries, non-murder mysteries and custom mysteries for Shot In The Dark Mysteries, and coordinates, hosts and facilitates local events both for Shot In The Dark Mysteries and Your Date With Death Murder Mystery Speed Dating. She can be contacted at mysterymaiden@shotinthedarkmysteries.com or mysterymaiden@yourdatewithdeath.com. Aside from plotting murder, she enjoys yoga, reading and hanging with her golden lab.

When Good Guests Go Bad Part 1: The No-Show

When Good Guests Go Bad Part 1: The No-Show


As hosts, we can control most everything about our party like the food, the music and the atmosphere, but the one thing we can't control is the behavior of our guests. With the right invitation list, this could prove disastrous for a host with even the best intentions. How we, as Hosts On The Run, deal with these tricky situations is very important There are six identifiable types of "Good Guests Gone Bad", and we will cover each one, along with what to do with them, in our 6-part series entitled: "When Good Guests Go Bad".


In this issue we take a look at The No-Show.

In Shot In The Dark Mysteries' 2007 survey of our loyal ezine subscribers, you told us that the no-show guest is the biggest stress factor in hosting a party. In fact, most who listed the no-show guest as a stress also credited this non-committal entity with being the reason they do not host parties at all!

The no-show guest scenario happens one of two ways, the first beginning with an RSVP that they will make it and ending with a strategically-timed phone call. The conversation could continue the following way:

ring ring

Host On The Run: "Hello?"

No Show Guest: "Hello Host On The Run. About tonight - unfortunately I will not be able to make it. Tomorrow morning I have to help my grandmother move her living room furniture to the old folks home, and I can't find my watch. Without my watch, I won't know what time I need to leave tonight, so I need to stay close to home so I know what time it is."

Host On The Run: "You know, we have clocks here - wait, there's the door, the other guests are arriving, just hold on-"

No Show Guest: "I see you're busy. I'll talk to you next week!"

It's not necessarily that No Show Guest has something better to do. In fact, most no-shows are well-intentioned when they RSVP, but at the last second just don't feel like going out.

Fortunately, there are three very effective ways to deal with a potential no-show guest.

Don't Invite Them

The first way is to not invite them at all. Sure, you want them there, but in the case of a murder mystery game, when you need your guests to be reliable for the game to work properly, they can't be trusted. The side-benefit to this strategy is that No-Show may realize they no longer receive invitations and realize the reason - their unreliability.


Bribe Them With Shiny Gifts

The second way to get these guests to show up is with bribery. This may sound ridiculous, but it's incredibly effective. As you are inviting them, mention that on the evening of the party you will give them their birthday or Christmas present. Alternatively, you could have party favors for your entire guest list, and make sure that you make mention of this upon inviting the no-show.


Confront Them

The third method is to speak with the no-show ahead of time and explain to them that you would love to invite the No Show-er, but you need them to show up to keep your murder mystery game balanced, the dinner table in line or the Christmas gift exchange numbers even. Usually, the no-show's intentions are not mean-spirited and an expression of how truly important they are to the dynamic of the party will make them realize they need to make the gathering a priority.

There are five more "Good Guests Gone Bad" in our 6-part series, including The Surprise Show, The Lush, The Never-Ending Guest, The Can't-Be-Wrong and The Destructo-Guest, and Shot In The Dark Mysteries has solutions for each and every one of them!

Leigh Clements, the Shot In The Dark Mysteries / Your Date With Death Mystery Maiden, writes murder mysteries, non-murder mysteries and custom mysteries for Shot In The Dark Mysteries, and coordinates, hosts and facilitates local events both for Shot In The Dark Mysteries and Your Date With Death Murder Mystery Speed Dating. She can be contacted at mysterymaiden@shotinthedarkmysteries.com or mysterymaiden@yourdatewithdeath.com. Aside from plotting murder, she enjoys yoga, reading and hanging with her golden lab.

4 Elements of a Fabulous Party

by Leigh Clements

I am often asked what makes a great party great and a horrible party - well, a “Hindenberg”. People tend to ask me this with the expectation of one simple, yet brilliant answer that will guarantee party success.

Unfortunately, it’s not as simple as cutting the crusts off your little sandwiches to ensure everyone has fun and stays, but there are 4 very distinct elements each great party - elements the bombs have lacked.

While defining these oh-so-important elements of a fabulous party, I focused on two events I recently facilitated. Both took place in similar venues, and both included a custom murder mystery game. One was a raging success and the other was a downright “Hindenberg”. The following four elements stood out as the defining factors between the successful party and the bomb. Take these suggestions into consideration and you’ll be sure to host a party your guests will enjoy - and won’t want to leave!

1. Limit the “No-Fun” to “Fun” Guest Ratio

Of course, no one wants Joe-I-Hate-Fun at their party, but sometimes it’s unavoidable. One Joe-I-Hate-Fun is one thing, but if Joe brings Dennis-Doom-And-Gloom, things can turn gray. And no, two negatives don’t make a positive! Chances are, at your party two negatives will make five negatives.

When we bring a group together, everyone shares the energy in the room. With enough Joes and Dennises, even the most positive, fun, upbeat person would have trouble having a good time.

Successful Party: At the successful party, out of 17 people there was one Joe-I-Hate-Fun who sat in the corner with his arms crossed and his chin so low it looked like he was wearing a turtleneck. The other 16 were fun, upbeat people who wanted to have fun and were excited to try something new.

“Hindenberg” Party: At the “Hindenberg” party, out of 28 people at least ¾ of the guests were clearly just making an appearance. A better positive to negative ratio would have ensured most people would have had a good time, as at least 1/2 of those ¾ could have been turned around had the atmosphere been more positive.


2. Choose the Correct Theme

A theme can make or break a party - whether you think your party has a theme or not, it does. A theme can be determined simply by what the guests wear - think of a formal dinner party vs. a kegger. Although there will most likely be drinking at both, chances are you will not find someone passed out in your deep freeze at your dinner party. That may seem like an extreme example, but imagine inviting your friends from bowling to a black and white cocktail party, or friends you met at a cocktail party at a backyard pig roast.

Make your theme appropriate for all of your guests, and more will enjoy themselves.

Successful Party: A bunch of fun-loving Occupational Health employees from all over the world breaking out of a conference for an entertaining evening. The custom murder mystery game went down like a barn on fire! They loved it!

“Hindenberg” Party: A group of interior designers gathered for a formal Christmas party, who were surprised with a custom murder mystery party. Getting them up from their seats in their tuxes and high heels was like pulling teeth with this high-brow group, who were only there for the free food and the open bar.

3. Chill Out, Dude and be a relaxed host!

Nothing sets the tone of a party more than its host or hosts. Holding a gathering can be stressful, but if your guests feel your stress when they arrive, rest assured they will become uneasy. Two uneasy people quickly turn into four, then six and the next thing you know you have a venue full of anxious people! Regardless of how you feel before your guests arrive, take five minutes to relax and banish any stressful or uneasy feelings.

Fabulous Party: The hostess was excited and ready to have fun. She dressed up and got fully-immersed in the mystery - and was completely stress-free. Everyone else looked to her and followed suit.

“Hindenberg” Party: The hostess put the party on for her employees, not herself. She planned to be an observer at the party, and left half of her mind back in her office, where all hell was breaking loose. She could not relax, and her employees couldn’t wait to slip out the door.

4. Create A Great Ambiance!

Ambiance is so important when you host any sort of gathering. To illustrate, humor me for a moment and picture a large, cool room with all-white furniture. Now picture a country cottage with deep wood and a fire burning in the fireplace. Which place would you rather visit for a party? Most of us would say the country cottage - it’s cozier, more inviting and far more welcoming. Chances are you won’t be entertaining in a warm country cabin, but you still have control over the ambiance where you entertain; the music, scents and lighting all contribute to the ambiance. Create the correct ambiance and your guests will be more comfortable, stay longer, relax and have a great time!

Fabulous Party: The successful party was held in a smaller room at a classy private club. The room was decorated with Christmas lights (t’was the season) and a Christmas Tree in the corner, soft linens and comfortable chairs. Elevator music played softly in the background - unnoticeable until you listened for it, but so important.

“Hindenberg” Party: This party took place in a large, cold-feeling, utterly silent room with hard chairs and pretentious carpet. No wonder the guests were as stiff as their napkins!


Leigh Clements, the Shot In The Dark Mysteries / Your Date With Death Mystery Maiden, writes murder mysteries, non-murder mysteries and custom mysteries for Shot In The Dark Mysteries, and coordinates, hosts and facilitates local events both for Shot In The Dark Mysteries and Your Date With Death Murder Mystery Speed Dating. She can be contacted at mysterymaiden@shotinthedarkmysteries.com or mysterymaiden@yourdatewithdeath.com. Aside from plotting murder, she enjoys yoga, reading and hanging with her golden lab.