When Good Guests Go Bad Part 1: The No-Show

When Good Guests Go Bad Part 1: The No-Show


As hosts, we can control most everything about our party like the food, the music and the atmosphere, but the one thing we can't control is the behavior of our guests. With the right invitation list, this could prove disastrous for a host with even the best intentions. How we, as Hosts On The Run, deal with these tricky situations is very important There are six identifiable types of "Good Guests Gone Bad", and we will cover each one, along with what to do with them, in our 6-part series entitled: "When Good Guests Go Bad".


In this issue we take a look at The No-Show.

In Shot In The Dark Mysteries' 2007 survey of our loyal ezine subscribers, you told us that the no-show guest is the biggest stress factor in hosting a party. In fact, most who listed the no-show guest as a stress also credited this non-committal entity with being the reason they do not host parties at all!

The no-show guest scenario happens one of two ways, the first beginning with an RSVP that they will make it and ending with a strategically-timed phone call. The conversation could continue the following way:

ring ring

Host On The Run: "Hello?"

No Show Guest: "Hello Host On The Run. About tonight - unfortunately I will not be able to make it. Tomorrow morning I have to help my grandmother move her living room furniture to the old folks home, and I can't find my watch. Without my watch, I won't know what time I need to leave tonight, so I need to stay close to home so I know what time it is."

Host On The Run: "You know, we have clocks here - wait, there's the door, the other guests are arriving, just hold on-"

No Show Guest: "I see you're busy. I'll talk to you next week!"

It's not necessarily that No Show Guest has something better to do. In fact, most no-shows are well-intentioned when they RSVP, but at the last second just don't feel like going out.

Fortunately, there are three very effective ways to deal with a potential no-show guest.

Don't Invite Them

The first way is to not invite them at all. Sure, you want them there, but in the case of a murder mystery game, when you need your guests to be reliable for the game to work properly, they can't be trusted. The side-benefit to this strategy is that No-Show may realize they no longer receive invitations and realize the reason - their unreliability.


Bribe Them With Shiny Gifts

The second way to get these guests to show up is with bribery. This may sound ridiculous, but it's incredibly effective. As you are inviting them, mention that on the evening of the party you will give them their birthday or Christmas present. Alternatively, you could have party favors for your entire guest list, and make sure that you make mention of this upon inviting the no-show.


Confront Them

The third method is to speak with the no-show ahead of time and explain to them that you would love to invite the No Show-er, but you need them to show up to keep your murder mystery game balanced, the dinner table in line or the Christmas gift exchange numbers even. Usually, the no-show's intentions are not mean-spirited and an expression of how truly important they are to the dynamic of the party will make them realize they need to make the gathering a priority.

There are five more "Good Guests Gone Bad" in our 6-part series, including The Surprise Show, The Lush, The Never-Ending Guest, The Can't-Be-Wrong and The Destructo-Guest, and Shot In The Dark Mysteries has solutions for each and every one of them!

Leigh Clements, the Shot In The Dark Mysteries / Your Date With Death Mystery Maiden, writes murder mysteries, non-murder mysteries and custom mysteries for Shot In The Dark Mysteries, and coordinates, hosts and facilitates local events both for Shot In The Dark Mysteries and Your Date With Death Murder Mystery Speed Dating. She can be contacted at mysterymaiden@shotinthedarkmysteries.com or mysterymaiden@yourdatewithdeath.com. Aside from plotting murder, she enjoys yoga, reading and hanging with her golden lab.

4 Elements of a Fabulous Party

by Leigh Clements

I am often asked what makes a great party great and a horrible party - well, a “Hindenberg”. People tend to ask me this with the expectation of one simple, yet brilliant answer that will guarantee party success.

Unfortunately, it’s not as simple as cutting the crusts off your little sandwiches to ensure everyone has fun and stays, but there are 4 very distinct elements each great party - elements the bombs have lacked.

While defining these oh-so-important elements of a fabulous party, I focused on two events I recently facilitated. Both took place in similar venues, and both included a custom murder mystery game. One was a raging success and the other was a downright “Hindenberg”. The following four elements stood out as the defining factors between the successful party and the bomb. Take these suggestions into consideration and you’ll be sure to host a party your guests will enjoy - and won’t want to leave!

1. Limit the “No-Fun” to “Fun” Guest Ratio

Of course, no one wants Joe-I-Hate-Fun at their party, but sometimes it’s unavoidable. One Joe-I-Hate-Fun is one thing, but if Joe brings Dennis-Doom-And-Gloom, things can turn gray. And no, two negatives don’t make a positive! Chances are, at your party two negatives will make five negatives.

When we bring a group together, everyone shares the energy in the room. With enough Joes and Dennises, even the most positive, fun, upbeat person would have trouble having a good time.

Successful Party: At the successful party, out of 17 people there was one Joe-I-Hate-Fun who sat in the corner with his arms crossed and his chin so low it looked like he was wearing a turtleneck. The other 16 were fun, upbeat people who wanted to have fun and were excited to try something new.

“Hindenberg” Party: At the “Hindenberg” party, out of 28 people at least ¾ of the guests were clearly just making an appearance. A better positive to negative ratio would have ensured most people would have had a good time, as at least 1/2 of those ¾ could have been turned around had the atmosphere been more positive.


2. Choose the Correct Theme

A theme can make or break a party - whether you think your party has a theme or not, it does. A theme can be determined simply by what the guests wear - think of a formal dinner party vs. a kegger. Although there will most likely be drinking at both, chances are you will not find someone passed out in your deep freeze at your dinner party. That may seem like an extreme example, but imagine inviting your friends from bowling to a black and white cocktail party, or friends you met at a cocktail party at a backyard pig roast.

Make your theme appropriate for all of your guests, and more will enjoy themselves.

Successful Party: A bunch of fun-loving Occupational Health employees from all over the world breaking out of a conference for an entertaining evening. The custom murder mystery game went down like a barn on fire! They loved it!

“Hindenberg” Party: A group of interior designers gathered for a formal Christmas party, who were surprised with a custom murder mystery party. Getting them up from their seats in their tuxes and high heels was like pulling teeth with this high-brow group, who were only there for the free food and the open bar.

3. Chill Out, Dude and be a relaxed host!

Nothing sets the tone of a party more than its host or hosts. Holding a gathering can be stressful, but if your guests feel your stress when they arrive, rest assured they will become uneasy. Two uneasy people quickly turn into four, then six and the next thing you know you have a venue full of anxious people! Regardless of how you feel before your guests arrive, take five minutes to relax and banish any stressful or uneasy feelings.

Fabulous Party: The hostess was excited and ready to have fun. She dressed up and got fully-immersed in the mystery - and was completely stress-free. Everyone else looked to her and followed suit.

“Hindenberg” Party: The hostess put the party on for her employees, not herself. She planned to be an observer at the party, and left half of her mind back in her office, where all hell was breaking loose. She could not relax, and her employees couldn’t wait to slip out the door.

4. Create A Great Ambiance!

Ambiance is so important when you host any sort of gathering. To illustrate, humor me for a moment and picture a large, cool room with all-white furniture. Now picture a country cottage with deep wood and a fire burning in the fireplace. Which place would you rather visit for a party? Most of us would say the country cottage - it’s cozier, more inviting and far more welcoming. Chances are you won’t be entertaining in a warm country cabin, but you still have control over the ambiance where you entertain; the music, scents and lighting all contribute to the ambiance. Create the correct ambiance and your guests will be more comfortable, stay longer, relax and have a great time!

Fabulous Party: The successful party was held in a smaller room at a classy private club. The room was decorated with Christmas lights (t’was the season) and a Christmas Tree in the corner, soft linens and comfortable chairs. Elevator music played softly in the background - unnoticeable until you listened for it, but so important.

“Hindenberg” Party: This party took place in a large, cold-feeling, utterly silent room with hard chairs and pretentious carpet. No wonder the guests were as stiff as their napkins!


Leigh Clements, the Shot In The Dark Mysteries / Your Date With Death Mystery Maiden, writes murder mysteries, non-murder mysteries and custom mysteries for Shot In The Dark Mysteries, and coordinates, hosts and facilitates local events both for Shot In The Dark Mysteries and Your Date With Death Murder Mystery Speed Dating. She can be contacted at mysterymaiden@shotinthedarkmysteries.com or mysterymaiden@yourdatewithdeath.com. Aside from plotting murder, she enjoys yoga, reading and hanging with her golden lab.